Somethings just don't go away.......

It's been long since I've posted another blog & here I am back again... The last time whn I post, I told myself... This wld actually be the last blog anyone's gonna read from me... But I guess I was wrong... I had no one to speak to regarding certain matters... Only way to make myself feel better??? Blog it all out... Hopefully, someone will be able to read it...
It's been 4 months already... Time sure flies when one doesn't take notice... My rshp til nw has been a great & happy one! I've nt regretted choosing my path as he has definitely brought me infinite happiness... He's definitely the man with a certain charm & yet having a certain soft side in him tt has attracted me for yrs! *giggle* Can't help to think I've been really lucky to have him...
Getting bored this morn in the office, decided to surf some net... Recalling it's been long since I've last visited my Friendster website...
Truth be told, I've been avoiding tt website... Why? Cos she's in my Friendster list as well... When Marc & I just started, I cldnt help but keep looking tru HER Friendster webpage... Feeling guilty, feeling all bad, wondering how she's coping, if she's leading a gd life...???
And every single photo of hers seems to show hw gd she's leading her life! Having fun, looking beautiful in photos, sexy shots of her... Shldn't I be relieved?? Well, I shld be...... BUT somehow, i start to ponder if Marc misses her??? Has he ever secretly hope tt he could patch things up with her & be with her once again???
Those start of days was really pushing me to total paranoism..!!!! I knew I had to stop..... & so I avoided the website from then on... Telling myself... I'l never NEVER EVER visit tt website again...
Today...... I thought I was ready to face what I've been shunning for so long. I took the courage, open the website, surf thru her website....... den did I realize.... I still can't do it..............
She still look as gd as ever! My whole mind cld only think.... She looks so much better then mi! So much prettier & sexier! She's so cool riding a bike! & I'm nothing compared to her...... Everything starts to bug me again... & it is till now.. If Marc regretted leaving her for me...?? Wld he wish to go back to her again...??
In fact, I did ask this such question to him just recently... & his reply to me was quite a satisfying one....
He wld never want to forget his exs but nvr wishing to patch things back again because it has already ended.... The honesty in his eyes tells me I cld trust him... But it's my mind tts been playing so much tricks on me & pushing me to the verge on paranoism again! I tend to hate myslf alot at such moments, I wish I cld just die!
But then again, things do chg in time... Who wld ever be certain that Marc wld never chg his mind..??
Someone I knew has once told me before that I should always want the best for myself but I can't... I don't wish to feel so much pain & hurt all over again.... I've learned not to carry so much hopes... The lesser the expectations, the lesser the dissappoinments....
It seems to hit me so hard in the face & then, did I realise......! Some things in life just don't go away, it stays with you... I stole Marc away from her... What a bitch I've been....
I've prepared myslf tt if ever 1 dy Marc leaves me for sme1 else, be it back to her or another lady, I shld just let it be as I deserve it... Cos I stole him away fr her.... As long as he's happy, I'l let him leave den...
I can imagine hw much pain tt wld feel already... Tts why I never dared to think far into our future... Or is there OUR future???
I just can't bring myself face her again... Thou we nvr really kept in ctc back in the past but in order to forget the ugly things, I must be able to face her & really get her forgiveness.... But I just can't...
I'm turned into such a weakling......... I just can't help but feel upset.......
One thing I'm sure! I've NOT regretted being with Marc! In fact, he has been the happiest thing that has appeared in my life..... *grin!*
But I've sure learned something today... There are some things in life we try so hard to avoid but it'll never go away.............. I know, cos I've just been 'slapped' again this morning......

Be a kid.... Be Madagascar!!!!

Caught the cartoon movie, Madagascar, yesterday! Boy was it funny! Animals trying to escape the zoo to live in the wild! Every single part of the movie there's always a funny part! This is one of the best cartoons I've watched in such a long time!!!
Cartoons are meant to be kept simple & kiddish! Yeah! Tts the way it's supposed to be! Cartoons these dys hf been too complex.... Like that Shark's Tale??? They make fish's life sound more like humans! Complexity, reality, rshp woes.... blah blah blah.... NO! Tt ain't the way! Cartoons should be kept funny & easy! That's the oni chance for us adults to keep our hearts young & alive... At least so for me! Hahahahahahaha!
Well, for those who haven't caught that movie! Go catch it! For those who refuses to give this show a try, u're a dumb ass with no taste! No life! Hahahahaha!
Ok... Let's make a list of the animals that I like! Hmmm...
No. 1..... Definitely the penguins! Hahahaha! So cute.... They try to break free from the zoo & dug up the wrong whole! Chk out the link below.... Shows you part of the clip!

We're Going To Antartica
http://www.dreamworks.com/trailers/madagascar/clips/madagascar_clip3_wm_300.asx


The Cute, Cuddly & Crazy Penguins!



Cute aren't they! How can anyone not love them! Argh..... 'You didn't see anything...' Haha! That stupid hand action! Drives me crazy till now! Marc & I just keeps imitating! Keke!
Ok! What's No. 2 on my list.... Hmmmm... Oh! It's gotta be that cute little lemur! Ok ok! Chk out this small clip of it! So cute you just wanna hug it & pinch it's cheeks!

I've Devised A Plan
http://www.dreamworks.com/trailers/madagascar/clips/madagascar_clip8_wm_300.asx

See!!! Very cute ain't he??? Awww.... Big watery eyes... Always bullied by the rest... OK! No. 3 on my list..... The Lemur King! So stupid when he did the dance! Hahahaha! Chk out this clip...

Move It, Move It!
http://www.dreamworks.com/trailers/madagascar/clips/madagascar_clip7_wm_300.asx

Funny isn't it! Haha! 'Physically fit... physically fit... physically, physically, physically fit!' What kind of lyrics is that? Hahaha!

The rest of the characters ain't that funny... In fact, it was the small characters that make this movie great & not the main ones... They just fill up the story but not exactly the funny parts! Go chk out the movie! & I gurantee you no regrets... Hahahaha!

As they say! If you haven't seen Madagascar...., 'You didn't see anything......!' Keke!

Paranoism!!!!!!!! What's wrong with me?

Stuck @ Marc's place... Nothing to do... I've practically not gone home for days again. He's working morning shift right now & I'm at his place waiting for him... I felt so lost when I woke up tis mornin... Cldn't find him next to me. Took me smetime to realize that he was at work...
It had been a weird night for us... He wasn't his usual self last night. He was exceptionally quiet... Seems like something was bothering him. I tried asking him if anything was wrong but he insisted nothing... I've decided not to pursue on. I'm so tired of trying to figure out what's going on in his mind sometimes...
This morning just made a call to Pat... It's really been so long since I had a gd chat with her... She's always like the shelter for me during my down times.. Without her, I really don't know what to do... Prob go insane already I guess... Chatting with her has always made me feel so much more comfy... This time, no diff as well...
As usual, my paranoism has gotten the best of me... I'm so sick & tired of myself.
We went out to Taka ydy to buy some electronics for Marc's new home.. Guess who we met?? Well.......... All of ppl, Melvin... Small world. We didn't see him at all. He approached us to say hi.. I chatted with him awhile.. just as a fren. After we seperated, I cld see how awkward Marcus was feeling... Later, Marc was holding me so tightly... Obviously I knew what was bothering him but I still asked.... Stupid rite? Sigh....
We have to face it! If it ain't Melvin we met but Barbs, I wld hf felt equally awkward as well... I didn't want us to go back to sq 1.. Like when we started... We won't be able to get over it & our rshp wld not move on... Sigh... I'm ready... His Marc ready at all... to face ahead with me??
Reaching nite, he became quiet. I presume he was tired... When we got home & into bed later, nothing happened, we just slept since we're both tired...
Sudd, out of nowhere, he got onto me... Thru out the whole session, he was exceptionally quiet. I felt sth was really wrong... This aint the usual him at all... I tried 2 ask him if anything was wrong but here's where he insisted nothing was wrong.... This ain't him at all...
We usually have small sweet talks in between session but it was entirely a diff case last nite. He actually got pissed off with me that I felt sth was wrong... Sigh... Isn't it obvious??? Fine! I won't ask anymore den...
We got back to slp but hours later, he got onto me again! I have no idea why.... What's wrong?? He's completely drivin me crazy!! I hate not knowing what's wrong... Why??? What happened??? Sigh...............
This morning, woke up, he ain't around anymore... Called Pat to find a shelter... She says I was back to paranoism again... Was it?? I don't know... I'm feeling insecure once again. I'm afraid the person I love & care most wld turn his back on me, ignore & walk off... Wld tt happen I asked Pat but she's always assuring me that I'm always wanted! I'm just thinking too much already... Is tt true??? I've always been wanted & loved that when things go diff, I just do not know how to handle it at all... I don't like nt being able to be in control.....
Sounds familiar... That's what Marc told mi before... Not being in control... When he had to make a decision between Barbs or me..... Sigh.... I'm not as confident as I used to be anymore... Where hf the real me gone to?? I'm with some1 who's so much more confident than me that I seem to feel small now... I want myself back....
Advice from Pat.... Don't think so much & just be yourself... I guess that's the only way... Which is true... There's no pt in me trying to press an issue with Marc... Nothing wld prob become something... Just hope he's feeling better already by the time he returns from work. Well... if bad stuffs are to happen........, I can't stop it either...........

Temptation Island to the NEW Kawazaki ZX-6R!!!

Back at home again! Just another day to blog before heading back Marc's place... How many days hf I not been back again... Hmm.. 3.. 4.. Bah!!!! Can't be bothered to count already!

Hahaha! Busy downloading MP3 songs online again! Sick & tired of listening to the old songs in my IPod Shuffle... Blegh! Come to remember there was a certain period when every single website I know of was banned of dloading free MP3 songs! So sad.... Now I've found a new way! Woo Hoo!! My boredom is cured! I'm saved! Hahahaha! Now waiting for my Jap cartoons to finish loading too.... So excited!!! I've practically waited for a week for the new episodes... 1 wk feels like a mth man! Quick! Quick! Quick! Argh....

Hmmm... ever get the feeling when you see something really nice?? & you really wanna have it?? BUT you have to make some serious considerations... BUT again! Part of you really really really wants it??? YES!!!!!! I'm at that stage now! To be precise, Marc & I are at that stage now... Grrr! This is what we call the 'itchy butt' stage! We've practically fell in love with the new Kawazaki ZX-6R!!!! Drooool....... So nice.... So good..... So cool.... So fierce looking!

First time we saw the bike was about 2 mths back @ a certain bike shop... 1st sight of it & I was going ga ga over it! Drooooll..... Few dys back, we were reading tis bike mag in Borders one day & they were testing a no. of 600cc sports bike... Even Marc's current Baby 6 was in as well... Guess wat??? His Baby 6 apparently came out 10th place... Blegh! I can't believe it! & u the new Kawa was in 4TH PLACE!!!! Damn! Makes both our heart & butt itchy! Argh!!!!!

Went to the bike shop @ Alexander ydy... Saw the gold color version... Ooohh man.... Sigh... So nice... It's really a good bike for running the tracks man! Chkd out the price was bt 19+k now... Sigh.. Marc was considering to sell off his Baby 6... It was actually the '05 model! Abit can't bear to part with it actually.. Hee! Even the person @ the shop was surprised he was selling such new bike! Hahahaha! What to do... Itchy butt! *Scratch Scratch!* Haha! Anyone's who's seen me ydy @ the shop would have laughed @ us! WHY??? We practically need to carry a pail with us! Droooooolllll..............

He's put up an ad for his Baby 6 ald... Trying for 16+k i tink.. Hmm.. If it succeeds, with the amount get + top up another 4-5k = NEW Kawa!!!! Yum Yum! Hahahahah!


Kawasaki ZX-6R!!!! Droool... So sexy... Mmmm.... Kekeke!


Super Sexy POWER Bike!!! Yummy...

SEE!!!! How to resist!!!! Sigh.....

Ouch! Went for massage this evening... My usual massager aint around so the shopkeeper send mi another one.. Damn she's like a woman with rhino power! Crazy!!! She's like killing me! So painful... Now got blue black on my hand already... Boo Hoo! The only things she's really gd at..... Cracking all the bones in your body! I could practically hear the sound of my bones crack from top to bottom! Eeew....! None of my other usual massagers has done so much! Goose bumps! I rememered vivdly @ 1 pt she was done massaging my right leg & sudd without warning! CRACK! My toes!!!! For a moment I thought I lost all 5! Arhhhh...!!!! & another time she massaged my neck & sudd! CRACK! She twisted my neck!!! Arhhh... !!! So scary!

LESSON LEARNT: Always go back to regular massager! Why toture your own body! Eeeks!

Everyone's Getting Married....

Ber Ber... Eh... I duno how to do that linking stuff le... How huh? Heh heh... Pooh Bear!! Why so many polka dots on my blog??? Nice ma! Hahaha! I back to the 50s & 60s le... Keke! You know?? When Saturday Night Fever stil hot.. Hahahaha! I like retro le... ;P

To my topic... just back from ROM session of a close colleague, Lynne.. she's like my 'Hao Jie Mei'.. Instead of holding it at the ROM place itself, Shawn (her new hubby.. Haha!) & her actually spent a sum of money & did it @ Aloha Loyang! Haa! I wonder how broke they are right now... Hmmm... Apparently, her ROM cost me $100 man! A bunch of us, 4 sisters, got her a diamond pendant + necklace... Cost $402! Sob sob.... Heart pain.... Pocket big hole ald... But no choice la! Who call she my sister.. Haa!

Went to get her gift wz Marcus around 5pm, made our way down to chalet & met up wz the other sisters & their partners. Reached Lynne's chalet but apparently she was having photo session by the seaside wz Shawn... We took a seat at the outdoors by the pool den... Soon Lynne showed up.. in her David Yan's white gown! (or so i tink... ;P) She really looked stunning! (Actually she's always that pretty.. Haa!)

Well, the usuals happened... congratulations to you! What else?? Hmm.. Noting.. We only chatted with her for awhile before she had to move off & continue hosting the others... After she left, the rest of us started chatting... Bitchy gossips about work, who's leaving.. who's pregnant.. who's sleeping wz who.. Haa! We started recalling back our training days... How fun & carefree it was.. How we actually cheated in each test.. Hahaha!

Sigh... Time sure flies fast.. Just seems like yesterday we finished training only. Now.. it's already past 2 yrs... We laughed so much abt back then & i sudd realized how much each of us hf grown older... We hardly even get the chance to sit down together, like this evening & have such chats anymore! This is one night I would not forget...

Had our buffet dinner & around 7pm, Lynne's solemnization started... All of us gathered where Shawn & Lynne sat down taking their oath.. But guess what?? We could hardly hear what they were saying... or could hardly even see what they were doing since we were at the back... Janet & I squeezed to the front & got a better view.. Hahaha! Damn thick skin! Saw them taking the oath, exchanging rings, signing the marriage cert... & of course, the kiss...

During the oath, I saw them looking @ each other... Both of them sudd smiled @ each other, I could actually feel how happy they felt... So sweet...! & sudd I thought for awhile, would I even get that chance??? Sigh... I duno... Things just chg so fast! 1 min u're single, nxt min u're attached... Feels weird somehow... I wonder what Marc thinks?? Wonder if it wld ever happen between us... since he's 1 person who doesn't belief in marriage & kids... Anyhow, i was still very happy for Lynne since I know how much Shawn loved her! :)

After solemnization ended, all of us had a photo session wz the bridegroom & bride! It was actually pretty fun! We had lots of photos taken! Hee!

Ok.... Tis ROM over... Another coming up this 25th! Arghhh... It's Janet's turn.. I'm even closer to her then Lynne... Damn! I really duno what to buy for her... Lucky her ROM is after payday... Keke! Sheeez! Wassup with everyone??? Is ROM in fashion now or what? Blegh! After Janet would be another of my friend.... Sigh... Marriage IS a happy thing & I AM truly happy for them but thinking.... prob in another few yrs time I wld be the only single fella among my friends... Think I'l hf to start saying gdbye, since they hf their hubbies already... Won't have much time for friends... Sigh...

P.S: 1 more day to Star Wars Episode III (Revenge of the Sith).... Bwahahahahahaha!!!

I'm here too!!!

Ber!!! I'm here too! Haha! Reason I haven't been using Xanga was mainly thinking of switching to this new blog spot... So Pooh! U'l find me here in future ald ya!Why it took mi so long... Hmmm... I've basically been busy @ work. The load has been crazy! &..... I haven been going hme... So.. where did I go??? Er... been staying ovr @ Marc's place instead... ;P Co-habiting??? Er... dun tink so... (Thou most of my stuffs are ald there...) Hahaha!!! Prob moving ovr in another 1 or 2 mths time I guess.. His family's moving to the new home so... we'll be having the old flat instead. Still prefer the old 1... New homes are getting smaller & smaller! Blegh!

Ok.. tracking back to the last time I blogged in Xanga... (which was April 22nd!) Damn! I sure took long! Didn't realize that! Was meaning to blog since last Sunday since I got back fr Malacca.. Guess my lazy bones got the better of mi.. Hahaha! Just a 2 dys, 1 nite trip... Riding there... on Marc's sexy R6! Speedy speedy! Love it whn he runs in Malaysia! So fun!

Here's his sexy 6! Yummy!!!

1 thing I've learnt bt bikers... Strangers become friends easily.. We knew nobody on the trip.. (Ok... Prob oni 1 guy which was my Pri sch fren) But just a short road trip & friends we became with many! Bikers basically look out for one another... Esp when a prob arises... I find tt so cool! Hahaha! It was definitely a great trip!

Oh man! I'm going 2 the M&M's StarWars Carnival 2mlw! So excited! They would actually have mascots! Tink it's M&M's in StarWars costumes! Damn it's gonna be funny! Gotta tke a few pics 2mlw man! Hahaha! StarWars Epi III coming out soon 2! Can't wait! Argh!

(Peace is a lie. There is only passion. Thru passion I gain strength. Thru strength I gain power. Thru power I gain victory. Thru victory my chains are broken. The force shall set me free!)

(There is no emotion, there is peace.. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no death, there is FORCE!)

Damn! How cool is that! Can't wait to see Darth Vader again! Cant wait to join the dark side! U don't know the power of the Dark Side! Hahahahaha!